Feeling Unappreciated
I’m often asked questions about my experience with Shaka Senghor, who is now a New York Times best selling author and sought after speaker but was serving a 17–40 year sentence for second-degree murder when I met and fell in love with him. Our story is like so many others but few have written about the joys and struggles of loving a man behind bars, so I opened up my inbox to answer my readers’ burning questions.
Q: You went through a lot, more than what most women would have, so did you ever feel unappreciated or taken advantage of?
Anonymous from Atlanta, GA
A: Yes, I often felt unappreciated. I felt like I was holding things down, going over and beyond in many cases, and it was never enough. It was like the more I did, the more he expected. I would share how I was feeling, he’d say he appreciated me, but his expectations didn’t change. It was frustrating.
Even though I didn’t always feel appreciated, I never felt taken advantage of. Not even for a second. He needed me, and I was happy to help. I knew he would be rebuilding his life and had very little support from his family so I was willing to do whatever I could to make his transition home easier. Most men and women coming home from prison don’t have the support they need. They struggle in those first couple years, many of them returning to prison. I wanted to see Shaka win, and of course, when one of us wins we both win. We were building a life together, so I didn’t see anything I did as just forhim — it was for us.
I believe God was using me. God had a plan for Shaka’s life and I am grateful I was able to help him fulfill his purpose. I think when we do things for others we should do so out of love, not expecting anything in return. I did that and have no regrets. Universal law says that what we put into the Universe is returned to us so it doesn’t matter what a person’s intentions are if your intention is pure.
